Recurrent Pregnancy Loss AKA RPL

I have recently stumbled across some fellow RPL (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss- defined by having 2 or more consecutive miscarriages) Bloggers and have been interested in reading how others are dealing with this and what their plans are for moving forward.   RPL presents a unique challenge in the infertility world because you are able to get pregnant and usually without much effort which is a contradiction to the definition of infertility and not being able to get pregnant.  The problem with us RPL’ers is  we don’t seem to be able to STAY pregnant.

I have found others, like myself, are also usually diagnosed with Poor Ovarian Reserve or Diminished Ovarian Reserve…is there really even a difference??  They both suck!  And Poor Egg Quality as the most likely cause for the miscarriages.  So the difficulty really comes down to getting pregnant with a “good egg”.  For me this is what keeps me holding on and hoping that one day I will get pregnant with that one good egg and stay pregnant.  It also baffles me as to how I could have managed to get pregnant in the first place let alone five times if my “reserve” is so diminished and poor.  I often joke with Dr. F that I am probably one of his most fertile infertility patient.  Imagine how many babies I could have had in my twenties or early thirties?!

I was speaking to a former infertile who had trouble conceiving but did eventually go on to have children. She said she was always so jealous of those who were able to at least get pregnant even if it didn’t last.  I thought just the opposite…why bother to get pregnant if it’s just going to end.  I guess it’s both a blessing and a curse?  Sometimes I wish I didn’t get pregnant at all but then I think of my little angels and know that they do have a purpose even if  I was just meant to be a mom to them for a short time.

The fact that I am able to get pregnant is one of the main reasons I am still so hesitant about moving onto IVF.  Why would I want to put my body through all of that when I can do it on my own with what could be the same results?  The benefit I guess would be that we would have a better idea which embryos would be more viable if any especially if we did CCES (comprehensive chromosomal embryo screening).  I still struggle with that part too…the knowledge of knowing which embryos are viable and which are not is so incredible but at the same time is that tampering with nature and God’s plan too much?  These are just my own personal thoughts and certainly don’t want to judge those who have or had gone through embryo testing.  In fact, I would be curious to know for those of you who have had embryo testing…was this decision a struggle for you?  If so, what made you decide to just go for it?

I never thought I would be here at 5 losses…one was devastating enough, then two was just heartbreaking, and so on.  I often wonder how many more I will have to go through or will my body just eventually say enough and I will stop getting pregnant?  But when I read the success stories of those that have suffered multiple losses too and then have gone on to have their rainbow babies it gives me hope and strength to keep on going.  I keep telling myself it only takes one.

For all of my fellow miscarriage survivors:

miscarriage

Here are a few other RPL bloggers you may want to check out: My Hope Jar  Project Sweet Pea and My Perfect Breakdown

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13 thoughts on “Recurrent Pregnancy Loss AKA RPL

  1. So beautifully said hon and so true. Your description of RPL is just perfect. As you know, I did try IVF to test our embryos and it didn’t go so well for us, and in the end it was with trying on our own again that we have finally caught our good egg. We have the anatomy scan next week that will hopefully prove that statement true, but at least for now all is good with baby. When we first decided to try IVF, I really struggled because we never had a problem getting pregnant, and I worried about the whole selective process of chromosomal testing. We had 11 embryos at the start, but only 4 made it to 5-day blastocyst. I remember mourning those 7 that didn’t even make it that far, and then to learn that only 1 was normal out of the final 4, was even harder. The lab just discarded the other 3 embryos, that was the hardest thing to accept. I didn’t ven have time to really even process it because there was that one “normal” embryo to think about. Before she was even transferred, we knew she was a girl. I really thought we would be taking home a little girl in 9 months time. She was a normal embryo and I get pregnant easily, so it should have worked, but it didn’t. So when the transfer failed, I felt that I had failed that precious life. She made it through all the fertility drugs and the testing just to die in my uterus without even implanting. It was pretty devastating, and after that, our RE basically washed his hands of us and told us to go back to trying on our own. It all seemed like such a waste. We did learn a lot from the process, and I know if it had worked, it would have all been worth it, but because it failed we were just left feeling pretty let down. Who knows though, maybe that whole process reset something in me that got the right egg to where it need to go in the end even after we began trying on our own again. I guess we’ll never know for sure. All I know is two natural cycles later, we became pregnant again and here we are. I don’t mean to discourage you from considering IVF to test your embryos, but I think if your gut is telling you to keep trying on your own for now, you should follow it. It doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind at some other point. After all, IVF and CCES/PGD does work for many people. Anyway, thank you for posting this. It’s a perfect description of exactly what I have thought and felt too. Praying you catch your good egg very soon too ❤

    Can I share your post on my blog?

    • Thank you so much for your comment:) It’s nice to know I am not the only one out there who feels this way. I feel like there are so many tough decisions to make with IVF there is never a black and white answer to anything infertility related. Right now our plan is to see what happens on our own for the next 3 months and in October reevaluate and see how we feel. Thank you for your prayers! Sending you good thoughts and prayers too for your anatomy scan!! And of course feel free to repost:)

      • Thanks so much hon. I’m posting a quick update now. I’m going to link back to this post on that post 🙂

        That sounds like a good plan to me. Praying for your rainbow ❤

  2. Pingback: Quick Update | Recurrent Pregnancy and Infant Loss Blog

  3. I am an RPL survivor and even after crossing the bridge the pain never goes. I remember when I got pregnant with my son immediately after miscarriage 3, I wept because I was tired of miscarriages and the body pain and emotional pain that went with it. When the 2 lines came up, all I said was why now and please no. I hope and wish you have your rainbow soon. More than anything I wish you peace and light.

    • Thank you:) And I am so sorry for your losses too and glad you were able to crossover. It’s so frustrating the feeling when you get those 2 lines and your first response should be joy not fear:( But thank you for your kind words:)

  4. This is such a wonderful post, because you do such a great job discussing RPL. I am one of the few that has no explanation for our RPL – we are classified as unexplained. Every single test we have had, says we are perfectly healthy – my eggs, his sperm, my uterus, our genetics – everything is perfect. It makes no sense. We’ve even pushed for extra testing as we search for an answer.
    Anyways, we have not done IVF with genetic testing at this point, although we have discussed it at length with our RE, and have asked second and third opinions of other REs at our clinic. Each doctor has said the same thing to us – there is no point, because if we cannot find your problem with all the testing we have done, then it is very unlikely that we will find your problem by testing the embryos. They’ve said we could spend $100,000 on IVF, genetic testing, donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, etc. and still end up with another miscarriage. So, it is there opinion that as long as we can continue to get pregnant, then we continue to do it on our own and not bankrupt ourselves.
    All that said, one day, we might get the to the point where we might try IVF, but I really think we will stop trying before we put my body through IVF given that it is highly unlikely to make a difference and result in a successful pregnancy.
    And you are right, all it takes is one, and that in itself is reason enough to try again. Hopefully we are fortunate enough to have the next try be the one.

  5. Just found your blog through My Hope Jar and my heart goes out to you. As someone with DOR/POF who was told I should move straight to donor eggs, I can empathize with the infertility struggle and the hopelessness. And when we did get pregnant with our miracle “good egg,” we lost her at 26 weeks due to a completely random and devastating clotting situation that is still unexplained.

    Anyway, what you wrote really resonated with me and I just wanted to know I am thinking of you and am so, so sorry for your losses. So sorry. You are absolutely a mother, even if not everyone understands that (I’ve found this to be a very tricky area for people who haven’t experienced a loss). I’ll be thinking of you and following your journey.

  6. Pingback: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Resilience | My Perfect Breakdown

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