This post was from a few weeks ago and I was too scared to post this then but am feeling a little braver now so here it goes:
So I am not sure if and when I will post this as I am currently in the pee on a stick limbo but in my attempt to not drive myself crazy I thought I would write. I am hoping that I will get to write something good at the end of this post and that I will look back on it and laugh at how silly I am being for being scared to even write it but right now I am not laughing. So maybe in a few weeks I will post this:
I was due for my period on Monday and have been having on and off cramps and very light spotting since last Thursday. I thought for sure Aunt Flo would be making her presence known at any minute but as the days passed nothing. So I decided yesterday at 2:30 p.m. that I was going to take a home test and it was positive. The usual response should be “YAY! OMG I am pregnant!!!!” But for us RPL’ers the response is usually “Really? Why did I just do that because now I have to deal with all of the what if’s”: What if something is wrong? What if my numbers are low and this is another chemical pregnancy? What if my numbers don’t double? What if I make it to 6, 7, 8 weeks and then miscarry again? What if it’s an ectopic pregnancy? Because you know I haven’t had one of those yet! Or a molar pregnancy? OR what if by SOME MIRACLE this is it??
I called my doctor and went in for bloodwork this morning and should be receiving the results some time this afternoon. So now I am currently in limbo and will probably be for at least a few days. I am really trying to be hopeful and really don’t want this to be loss #6. Even if the results are good, I will have to go back on Friday and then wait again. So until then I am going to try to stay busy and say lots of prayers to this guy:
**UPDATE: Wednesday- So the results are in…HCG is 193!! I definitely was NOT expecting a number that high and Dr. F seems very pleased with that so right now as always I will remain cautiously optimistic…until Friday when I am scheduled for another blood draw. And now I am back on that roller coaster that I know all too well…I just hope this ride makes it to the end this time.
**UPDATE #2 Friday- just got my second bloodwork results and it’s 444! Trying not to get too excited!! Bloodwork and ultrasound a week from today…a whole week of WAITING!!!