So I officially “graduated” from my fertility doctor at 10 weeks 3 days. All looked good at the ultrasound and baby was even measuring a day ahead:) This should have made me feel reassured…which part of me was but the other part of me feels like every week that goes by that everything is fine then that is another week invested and another harder if something should go wrong. I am trying not to go to “that place” but when you have been down this road before and it didn’t lead to a baby being born you get a little jaded.
When I went in for my last appointment I had mixed feelings as I pulled up. Part of me was very happy that this would be my last 7 a.m. appointment but at the same time I also felt a little sad. I won’t see Dr. F or Nurse T anymore and my new favorite Nurse A. I will even miss the med student who had been shadowing Dr. F for the last 6 weeks. I know this will be my last appointment regardless of how this pregnancy turns out because I can’t go back down this road anymore. I have said this before but this time I feel it in my heart…this is my last effort to have my own child. Everyone who has been down this road says you just know when you have reached your limit and I know that I have reached mine. I can’t buy another ticket for the roller coaster ride so I am just going to ride this one out to the end. I am hoping I make it all the way to the end of the ride this time because I am starting to get just a “little” attached to this little one. I am starting to allow myself to imagine what this child might be like and what it will be like to have a little one running around the house. I am starting to allow myself to believe that some of my dreams will come true. Right now all I can do is have faith that all will work out. I saw this on Facebook the other day and am taking it as a good sign: