I have recently stumbled across some fellow RPL (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss- defined by having 2 or more consecutive miscarriages) Bloggers and have been interested in reading how others are dealing with this and what their plans are for moving forward. RPL presents a unique challenge in the infertility world because you are able to get pregnant and usually without much effort which is a contradiction to the definition of infertility and not being able to get pregnant. The problem with us RPL’ers is we don’t seem to be able to STAY pregnant.
I have found others, like myself, are also usually diagnosed with Poor Ovarian Reserve or Diminished Ovarian Reserve…is there really even a difference?? They both suck! And Poor Egg Quality as the most likely cause for the miscarriages. So the difficulty really comes down to getting pregnant with a “good egg”. For me this is what keeps me holding on and hoping that one day I will get pregnant with that one good egg and stay pregnant. It also baffles me as to how I could have managed to get pregnant in the first place let alone five times if my “reserve” is so diminished and poor. I often joke with Dr. F that I am probably one of his most fertile infertility patient. Imagine how many babies I could have had in my twenties or early thirties?!
I was speaking to a former infertile who had trouble conceiving but did eventually go on to have children. She said she was always so jealous of those who were able to at least get pregnant even if it didn’t last. I thought just the opposite…why bother to get pregnant if it’s just going to end. I guess it’s both a blessing and a curse? Sometimes I wish I didn’t get pregnant at all but then I think of my little angels and know that they do have a purpose even if I was just meant to be a mom to them for a short time.
The fact that I am able to get pregnant is one of the main reasons I am still so hesitant about moving onto IVF. Why would I want to put my body through all of that when I can do it on my own with what could be the same results? The benefit I guess would be that we would have a better idea which embryos would be more viable if any especially if we did CCES (comprehensive chromosomal embryo screening). I still struggle with that part too…the knowledge of knowing which embryos are viable and which are not is so incredible but at the same time is that tampering with nature and God’s plan too much? These are just my own personal thoughts and certainly don’t want to judge those who have or had gone through embryo testing. In fact, I would be curious to know for those of you who have had embryo testing…was this decision a struggle for you? If so, what made you decide to just go for it?
I never thought I would be here at 5 losses…one was devastating enough, then two was just heartbreaking, and so on. I often wonder how many more I will have to go through or will my body just eventually say enough and I will stop getting pregnant? But when I read the success stories of those that have suffered multiple losses too and then have gone on to have their rainbow babies it gives me hope and strength to keep on going. I keep telling myself it only takes one.
For all of my fellow miscarriage survivors: